The Best Damn Thing
by TallerThanThou ShorterThanThou
Summary: How wrong could a date between our favorite Strawberry and Shortcake go? You're about to find out. Song ficlet.


_Let me hear you say hey, hey, hey_

_Alright_

_Now let me hear you say hey, hey, ho_

_I hate it when a guy doesn't get the door even when I told him yesterday and the day before_

_I hate it when a guy doesn't get the tab and I have to pull my money out and that looks bad_

Rukia was giddy; an emotion that the short master of Sode no Shirayuki did not often feel. And nervous. To curl her hair or to straighten it, or to braid it? The options were endless. This shirt or that shirt? A dress or a skirt? Hell, that Strawberry had better make this good; she was not going to take spending two hours over her appearance well if he messed up in any way.

Thus, dear readers began the horrible, bad, no good, date of Strawberry Shortcake. Just keep reading and prepare yourselves for hell.

It had started when Ichigo forgot to open the door for her in their taxi. And later, when he turned out to have forgotten his wallet. Was chivalry dead?

_Where are the hopes _

_Where are the dreams_

_My Cinderella story scene_

_When do you think they'll finally see_

Because really, right from the start she knew this would only signify trouble. She just had to deal with the fact that her and her partner was not the normal couple. Unless you could count killing for a living normal. She would be really mad if the date didn't have a good ending, because she would have worn those three inch wedges for nothing. As if to remind her that her feet were not suited for such things, she tripped and ended up clutching to a random passerby for support just as they walked into the restaurant/bar.

_Cause you're not, not, not gonna get any better_

_You won't, won't, won't get rid of me never_

_Like it or not even though she's a lot like me_

_We're not the same_

_And yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm a lot to handle_

_You don't know trouble I'm a hell of a scandal_

_Me, I'm a scene, I'm a drama queen _

_I'm the best damn thing that your eyes have ever seen _

_I hate it when a guy doesn't understand why a certain time of month I don't wanna hold his hand_

_I hate it when they go out and we stay in and they come home smelling like their ex-girlfriends_

The worst part of it was that she knew if the Strawberry actually was nice to her, she would get freaked out. It would totally set off the delicate balance they had between their nice kissing moments and the moments they argued for the sake of arguing. Despite that, she knew she'd always be there, bugging the crap out of him. Then, her no good date got even better. Orihime, otherwise known as the girl who had the biggest not returned crush on _her_ date has arrived, oblivious as ever. As Orihime sat down at their table and began rattling off (something she no doubt considered flirting), Rukia fumed. If you squinted, you could see smoke coming from her ears. In the midst of it all, Ichigo sat clueless.

"Why are you so mad?" he asked. This was all that Rukia could take. She leapt up and clonked the dimwitted fruit over the head with a glass cup. The cup shattered, falling about them in a nice, sharp, pattern.

"WHAT'S WRONG IS THAT WE'RE ON A DATE HERE AND THERE'S THIS GIRL SITTING HERE FLIRTING WITH YOU WHILE YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE KISSING ME! AND YOU DON'T EVEN NOTICE!" she screamed. Suddenly, the whole bar went silent. A few whistles and claps were heard from the bystanders. Having ranted enough for one day, Rukia sat down and started eating.

"How's life been for you, _friend_?" she asked Orihime. Taking that as her cue to leave, the girl ran away at top speed while Rukia waved goodbye, all the while smiling innocently like the angel she was not. Ichigo decided it was best not to comment.

_Give me an A-always give me what I want_

_Give me a V-be very, very good to me_

_R-are you gonna treat me right_

_I-I can put up a fight_

_Give me an L-let me hear you scream lout_

_Let me hear you scream loud_

_Where are the hopes where are the dreams _

_My Cinderella story scene_

_When do you think they'll finally see_

Finally, the disastrous dinner was over and Ichigo took her shopping-for Chappies. Which then ended in a tantrum about a building sized rabbit.

"But I've spent ten years saving up on that money!" Ichigo whined. It was high time for the puppy eyes, Rukia decided. In the end, Ichigo ended up spending his one million yen on one giant, building sized Chappy. The things he will do for love…

"Have you even considered who you're carrying that back to Soul Society?"

_That you're not, not, not gonna get any better_

_You won't, won't, won't get rid of me never_

_Like it or not even though she's a lot like me_

_We're not the same_

_And yeah, yeah, yeah I'm a lot to handle_

_You don't know trouble I'm a hell of a scandal_

_Me, I'm a scene, I'm a drama queen_

_I'm the best damn thing that your eyes have ever seen_

The Chappy ended up being set up next to Ichigo's house, making the poor house look like a children's block. Ichigo sighed. His reputation was ruined. Just when he thought things couldn't get worse, Byakuya decided it was his time for a little air time.

"Kurosaki Ichigo, I will kill you for mistreating my pride. Bankai, Senbonzakura Kageyoshi, Final Scene," he intoned. A scream was all Rukia heard from her dear beloved before he disappeared under the wrath of the billion pink petals.

"Ni-Sama," she whined. 'Ni-Sama' looked at her.

"Don't worry Rukia, Pie and Demon-Pixie will bring him back later," Byakuya reassured her. Rukia sighed. Her family was even crazier than her unfortunate deceased boyfriend's.

_Let me hear you say hey, hey, hey_

_Alright now let me hear you say hey, hey, ho_

_I'm the best damn thing that your eyes have ever seen_

(A month later)

Recovered from his many injuries at the petals of Senbonzakura, Ichigo was as dumb as ever.

"Hey, Rukia, let's go on another date."

"Why not?"

And so, the process began again.

_Fin_

A/N: The Best Damn thing belongs to Avril Lavigne. Second songfic/oneshot. Let us know if you wanna request stuff. Include the song


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